New wife A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he
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A group of foreign dignitaries are visiting Israel. At the end of the tour, they are taken to see the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. They look at the tomb and read the following inscription: ABRAHAM SCHWARTZ BORN 5694 DIED 5733 A GOOD MAN AND A GREAT FURRIER. The visitors
Scared vs. Apprehension As a sergeant in a parachute regiment, I took part in several night-time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a lieutenant fresh from jump school. He was quiet and looked a bit pale, so I struck up a conversation. “Scared, lieutenant?” I asked. He replied, “No,
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Baptism A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny
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Neglegence The brillant lawyer F. E. Smith once defended a bus driver against claims that his negligence had caused injury to a young man’s arm: “Will you please show us how high you can lift your arm now?” Smith asked the plaintiff. The young man obediently raised his arm to
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The honor system Everything about country side customs delighted my neighbors, who had moved to our small town from the city. One day they spotted a sign, “Fresh Eggs For Sale” at a roadside stand where payment was on the honor system. “Why can’t everyone be this trusting?” they said
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Eating peanuts The ninty-year-old woman was out of the room when the minister came to visit her in the nursing home. He began munching on a bowl of peanuts she had on a table. She came and apologized for not being there when he came in. He said, “Oh that’s
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Trial options A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. “Jury trial,” the defendant replied. “Do you understand the difference?” asked the judge. “Sure,” replied the defendant. “That’s where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one.” Enough is enough A strong young
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Helping Dad Little Johnny to his mother: “Can I go outside and help Daddy put snow chains on the car? I know all the words.” Delivery Working at the post office, I’m used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in
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Getting to heaven An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter
Getting to heaven, Gamat, Paid vacation, Application Read More »
