Helping Dad
Little Johnny to his mother: “Can I go outside and help Daddy put snow chains on the car? I know all the words.”
Delivery
Working at the post office, I’m used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, “What’s the trouble?”
“I went out this morning,” she began, “and when I came home, I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package, but no one was home. I’ll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a thing!”
After apologizing, I got her parcel.
“Oh good!” she gushed. “We’ve been waiting for this for ages!”
“What is it?” I asked.
“My husband’s new hearing aid.”
New bank account
Maury ran a small commercial real estate company. One day, back in the eighties, he sold his interest in one of his projects for 3 million dollars.
The only problem was that the guy who bought him out was a big shot in his very small hometown in Pennsylvania, and he wanted Maury to use the local bank branch.
So Maury goes in to the bank and tells the teller he’d like to open a few accounts. The teller goes through the list of gifts you can get for your initial deposit. $300 gets you a toaster, $600 for a television, etc. The teller then asks him how much he would like to deposit. Without saying a word,
Maury hands her the cashier’s check.
The teller turns bright red, and runs to get her manager.
The manager escorts him into her office, where they sit down.
“Sir, welcome to our town. We’re thrilled to have you as a customer. What can I get you?”
To which Maury replied, “I’ll take 10,000 toasters.”
