Restaurant bill
A tailor’s shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, the tailor sat out behind his shop and ate his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant’s kitchen.
One day the tailor was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for “enjoyment of food.” So he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them.
The manager said, “Every day you sit outside our kitchen and smell our food while eating. We are providing added value to your lunch, and we deserve to be paid for it.”
The tailor stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.
The manager asked him, “What is the meaning of that?”
The tailor replied, “I’m paying for the smell of your food with the sound of my money.”
Clergy Poker
A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. One night, the sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge.
After listening to the sheriff’s story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest, “Were you gambling, Father?”
The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, “Oh, Lord, forgive me,” and then said aloud, “No, your honor, I was not gambling.”
“Were you gambling, Reverend?” the judge asked the minister.
The minister repeated the priest’s actions and replied, “No, your honor, I was not gambling.”
Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked, “Were you gambling, Rabbi?”
The rabbi eyed him coolly and replied, “With whom?”
Grandpa’s Manners
“Grandpa, I’m really proud of you,” said the modish young lady.
“What’s to be proud of?” asked the old man.
The young lady replied, “I noticed that when you sneeze, you’ve learned to put your hand in front of your mouth.”
“Of course,” explained Grandpa.
“How else can I catch my teeth???”
Doctor’s Party Advice
Judi strolled up to a guest at the party. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said coyly, “Doctor, may I ask a question?”
“Certainly,” he said.
“Lately,” said Judi, “I have been having a funny pain right here under the heart . . .”
The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, “I’m terribly sorry, Judi, but I’m a doctor of philosophy.”
“Oooh,” she said, “I’m sorry!”
She turned away, but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back. “Just one more question, doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is ‘philosophy’?”
