A lady lost her handbag at the mall. An honest young lad found it and returned it to her.
Looking in her purse, she said, “Hmm, that’s funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”
The boy replied, “That IS funny. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.
On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.
“Your Honor,” he said, ” I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said ‘He’s a crook! He’s guilty, guilty, guilty’ So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!”
With a tired annoyance the judge replied, “Get back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer.”
A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.
The doctor asked her all the usual questions: what were the symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc..
Suddenly, she interrupted him: “Hey look, I’m a vet – *I* don’t need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what’s wrong just by looking.” She smugly added, “Why can’t you?”
The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said,
“There you are. Of course, if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to have you put to sleep.”