Dating results
A young lady signed up on an Internet dating service. She got to the section of the application that asked “What exactly are you looking for?”
This was her description: “He needs to be good-looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home if I don’t go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”
In a matter of moments, the results were returned to the woman: “Buy a television.”
Johnny’s Home
After the dedication service of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, “That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.”
Ten ways you know your internet connection is a little slow
1. Text on webpages display as Morse Code
2. Graphics arrive via FedEx
3. You believe a heavier string might improve your connection
4. You post a message to your favorite Facebook group and it displays a week later
5. Your credit card expires while ordering online
6. ESPN website exhibits “Heisman Trophy Winner”…for 1989
7. You’re still in the middle of downloading that popular new game, “PacMan”
8. Everyone you talk to on the Skype sounds like Forrest Gump
9. You receive emails with stamps on them
10. When you click the “Send” button, a little door opens on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out.
