Humor Quotes

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

I don’t approve of political jokes … I’ve seen too many of them get elected

I have my own little world. But it’s OK …they know me here

I put all my money into taxes. That’s the only thing that’s sure to go up

If you live long enough, something will kill you…

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

“I don’t want to say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.”

“I used to watch golf on TV but my doctor told me that I need more exercise, so now I watch tennis.”