Humor Quotes

My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last night it took four state troopers and a dog.”

Birthdays are good for you … the more you have the longer you live.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

Going the speed of light is bad for your age..

I feel sorry for the guy who has to play the world’s smallest violin. Everybody just thinks he’s being sarcastic.

Drop a piano on an Army base and I’ll show you A-flat major!

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.”

A computer DOES save time at work. Now I can play solitaire without having to spend all that time shuffling real cards.

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive