Humor Quotes

Man cannot live by bread alone. He also needs a roll of duct tape and a can of lubricant

“Don’t carry a grudge. While you’re carrying a grudge the other guy’s out dancing.” Buddy Hackett

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Common Sense is not trying.

Anything preying on my mind today would starve to death.

For those of you who received a book from me for Christmas, they are due back to the Library on Tuesday.

I don’t know how to act my age. I’ve never been this age before.

The only member of my family with a personal trainer is the dog.

One day I’ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.

Eventually you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.