Humor Quotes

One nice thing about being over the hill is that you begin to pick up speed.

Don’t let people drive you crazy. It’s within walking distance.

If the shoe fits … buy a pair in every color.

When I was a kid, I could toast a marshmallow over my birthday cake. Now I could roast a turkey.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Beware of half truths… you may get the wrong half.

What does the invisible man drink at snack time? Evaporated milk.

I broke up with my gym. We were just not working out.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to drown?

To cats, most people are just warm-blooded furniture; but a few are mobile can openers.