Humor Quotes

It’s easy to identify people who can’t count to ten. They are in front of you in the express lane at the supermarket.

I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills, or cleaning up their kid’s mess.

Instead of John, I call my bathroom Jim. It sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

In Egypt, thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Computers find our faith in technology amusing.

I don’t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck.

Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.

We had cured ham for Christmas dinner. We all wondered what illness it was cured of.

Inflation hasn’t ruined everything…A 50c can still be used as a screwdriver.

Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.