Humor Quotes

There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.

My wife turned the dishwasher into a snow shoveling device…she handed me a shovel.

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.

Spring allergies and a full-face motorcycle helmet are not a pleasant combination.

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

When your parakeet sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

“You know you’re old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.”

Never try to outwit a woman unless you are one.

My friend thinks he knows everything. He said that onions were the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut at his head.

Apparently, “vegetarian” is an old Indian word for “bad hunter.”