Humor Quotes

Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!

My wife is going to the hair salon today. For the next few hours I’ll be practicing my reaction.

“If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction.”

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.  (Another good reason to end your day in God’s presence…)

Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so are thunder and lightning.

A biker rally is a really bad time for your car horn to stick.

Every time I hear that dirty word, “exercise,” I wash out my mouth with chocolate.

Please be careful to whom you say, “Be yourself.” It’s not for everybody.

“On cooking shows, there is little margerine of error.”

“Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down… You have my Word.”