Humor Quotes

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.

“Without Jesus, the Bread of Life, you are toast.!!!!!”

Never get into a blinking contest with a fish.

My wife wanted me to start taking cod liver oil for my health, but I thought there was something fishy about the whole idea.

“The worst part about sharing a name with someone famous: you’re always telling people, no, I’m not THAT Batman.”

If evolution really works, how come mothers still have only two hands?

If you can’t tell the difference between your ice cubes and your ice cream, it’s time to throw BOTH out.

I used to work in a plant crushing pop cans: It was soda pressing.