Raising Children
“It takes time to raise about 25 children. I know, I have two myself. That’s plenty. Mine are twins, though. Both of them. They’re awfully cute. I can’t think of their names.
They don’t come when I call them anyway.”
Confiding
A young man confided to his mother that he proposed taking himself a bride.
“Whatsa dees?” screamed Mother. “Who’s a gonna love you like a Momma? Who’s a gonna starch-a you socks? Who’s a gonna make-a you lasagna?”
“Please, Mom, calm down,” pleaded the son. “Any why are you talking like that? We aren’t even Italian.”
High School Record
Back at my high school for the tenth reunion, I met my old coach, Mr. Carlier. Walking through the gym, we came upon a plaque on which I was still listed as the record holder for the longest softball throw.
Noticing my surprise, coach Carlier said, “That record will stand forever.”
I was about to make some modest disclaimer that records exist to be broken, when he added, “We stopped holding that event years ago.”
Tailing Truck
A large truck was tailing my son as he drove through town with his girlfriend. The truck matched them turn for turn, down every street.
My son’s concern grew to alarm when the menacing-looking driver pulled next to him at a light, leaned out his window, and glared into his car.
After a long, hard stare, the man grinned and called to my son, “Sorry, kid, I thought that was my daughter.”
