How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb? She says, “Daddy, I want a new apartment.”
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They’re trying to get away from the noise.
A young girl once confessed to her priest that she thought she was guilty of the sin of pride. She said, “When I look in the mirror, I think I am beautiful.” The priest said, “That’s not a sin, that’s a mistake.”
~(Rev. James Whitcomb Brougher, Sr.)
I have Contacts
A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license.
After looking it over, he said to her, “Lady, it stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses.”
“Well, I have contacts,” the woman replied.
“Look lady, I don’t care who you know,” snapped the officer. “You’re getting a ticket.”.