Pregnancy
I was in my ninth month of pregnancy and feeling very uncomfortable. On top of everything, my pleas for sympathy seemed to go unnoticed by my husband.
One day I told him, “I hope in your next life you get to be pregnant!”
He replied, “I hope in your next life you get to be married to someone who’s pregnant!”
Job description
Although desperate to find work, I passed up a job I found on an employment website. It was for a wastewater plant operator.
Among the job requirements: “Must be able to swim.”
Judgement Day
A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgement Day and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could.
“Oh, my friends,” he intoned, “imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!”
At this point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, “But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?”
The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, “My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured… teeth will be provided!”
Valuable goods
As the woman was instructing the new maid on the great care required in handling certain valuable household objects. She pointed to the dining room and said with great satisfaction, “That table goes back to Louis the Fourteenth.”
“Oh, that’s nothing,” the maid interjected. “My whole livingroom set goes back to Sears (Wholesaler) the fifteenth.”
