Linguist
Charles Berlitz was asked how a linguist identifies a native tongue. “It probably comes down to what you say when you hit your thumb with a hammer,” he replied. “For me, my first reaction is in French.”
Indispensable
When my boss returned to the office, he was told that everyone had been looking for him. That set him off on a speech about how indispensable he was to the company.
“Actually,” interrupted his assistant, “you left with the key to the stationery closet.”
Vegetative state
A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
“OK,” says his wife as she gets up and unplugs the TV.
