ImageLayin’ Down the Rules
A woman said to her friend, “I don’t know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker, you can’t even imagine. He doesn’t put anything in its place. I’m always going around the house organizing things.”
The friend says, “Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married, I told my husband firmly, ‘Every glass and plate you take, wash it when you’re done and put it back in its place.'”
The first woman asked, “Did it help?”
Her friend said, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since.”
Checking Out
I was checking out at the busy supermarket and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned and finally, the cashier spilled a handful of coins.
When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22. Trying to soothe her nerves, I said, “That’s a nice round figure.”
Still frazzled, she glared at me and said, “You’re no bean pole yourself.”
Little Encouragement
The minister was shaking everyone’s hand while they were leaving the church.
An elderly man shook his hand and said, “Reverend, that was the worst sermon I’ve ever listened to.  It was terrible.”
As the minister stood there dumbfounded, the old man’s wife stepped in, trying to help. 
“Please don’t pay any attention to him, pastor.  He only repeats what he hears others say.”
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