Choose three hymns
One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed R10,000 in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
And there sat our Rosie all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, “I’ll take him and him and him!”
Bells Ringing
A minister was walking to church one morning when he passed one of his members working in his garden. “Can’t you hear those bells calling you to church?” asked the minister.
“Eh, what’s that?” said the member.
“Can’t you hear those bells calling you to church?”
“I’m afraid you’ll have to speak a little louder!” said the member.
“CAN’T YOU HEAR THOSE BELLS CALLING YOU TO CHURCH?!” shouted the minister.
“I’m sorry,” said the member, “I can’t hear you because of those darned BELLS!”
Bats in the loft
Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said “Ya know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything–noise, spray, cats–nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said “Yea, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I’ve even had the place fumigated, and they won’t go away.”
The third said, “I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church… Haven’t seen one back since!!!”
