Origins
“Daddy, where did I come from?”, seven-year-old Rachel asked.
It was a moment for which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out several other books, and explained all they thought she should know about the birds and the bees. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly.
“Does that answer your question?” the mom asked.
“Not really,” the little girl said. “Judy said she came from Cape Town. I want to know where I came from.”
Vacation Shopping
Throughout our month long tour of Europe, my wife’s only complaint was that there was never enough time for shopping. Nearing the end of our trip, we stopped for lunch at a pub in a small town near London. We wrote postcards and my wife volunteered to take them to the nearest postbox while I made a long-distance phone call. The British long distance system defeated me until I was helped by an attractive girl who was standing at the bar.
Completing my call, I saw her with a suitcase standing at a bus stop. I found out she was going close to our destination so I offered her a lift and suggested she get in the back seat of the car.
There was still no sign of my wife, so I went to look for her. Ten minutes later, I found her in a store. She was bulging with parcels. Giving me a big grin, she said, “That’ll teach you to leave me alone for a few minutes.”
It was my turn to grin as I said, “Wait until you see what’s in the back seat of the car.”
Murhpy’s Laws
* Murphy’s First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
* Lerman’s Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.|
Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
* Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
* Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you will want to be doing something else.
* Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
* Kenny’s Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.
* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong one.
Corollary: If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.
* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
* Yeager’s Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle.
Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber’s day off.
* Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
* Quile’s Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.
