Dear Math,
Stop asking us to find your X.
She’s not coming back and don’t ask Y either.
Eclipse Timing
An astronomer is on an expedition to Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when he’s captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he’s not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals’ primative tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him.
The guard’s answer is, “Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal.”
“Great,” the astronomer replies.
The guard continues, though, “But because everyone’s so excited about it, in your case we’re going to wait until after the eclipse.”
The following are actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong.
* I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
* Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
* Gun wounds again?
* A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries.
* I’ll burn you into a BBQ chicken.
* Take my advice, or I’ll spank you a lot.
* Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
* I’ll fire aimlessly if you don’t come out!
* I will surround their house by myself.
* You daring lousy guy.
* Beat him out of recognizable shape!
* I have been scared silly too much lately.
* I got knife scars more than the number of your leg’s hair!
* Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
* The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
* The Americans will not save you for Christmas.
* Both of you will die when the sun hits the bell.
* You always use violence. I should’ve ordered glutinous rice chicken.
