Frightened
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
“What’s the matter?” he was asked.
He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.”
“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”
“She was talking to the doctor.”
Chicken Recovery
A farmer’s son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had told him to carry home, when the box broke open and the chickens all escaped. The boy quickly fixed the crate and chased around the neighborhood gathering up the chickens. Hoping he had found them all, he finally made it home, expecting to get a strong lecture from his father.
“Pa, the chickens got loose, but I did get 12 of them back.”
“Well you did a fine job, son,” the farmer said proudly, “because I only sent you home with seven!”
Final Exam
The student asked the professor how many problems there would be on the final exam.
The professor looked the student over and replied, “I think you will have lots of problems on the final.”
Legalism
A Rabbi was walking home from the Temple and saw one of his good friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in religious arguments.
The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his friend, when he was horrified to see his friend go into a non kosher Chinese restaurant. Standing at the door, he observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappeared carrying a platter full of spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce, crab rangoon and other treif that the Rabbi could not bear to think about.
As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the Rabbi burst into the restaurant and reproached his friend, for he could take it no longer. “Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we are taught about the dietary laws and with an apparent enjoyment that does not befit your pious reputation!”
Morris replied, “Rabbi, did you see me enter this restaurant?”
The Rabbi nods yes.
“Did you see me order this meal?”
Again he nods yes.
“Did you see the waiter bring me this food?”
Again he nods yes.
“And did you see me eat it?”
The Rabbi nods yes.
“Then, Rabbi, I don’t see the problem here. The entire meal was done under Rabbinical supervision…”
