Shooting Neighbor
“Man shots neighbor with machete.” Miami Herald, headline
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Killing a lot of people
“Sure, it’s going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.” Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane.
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Football
“I play football. I’m not trying to be a professor. The tests don’t seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven’t been through in school.”
Mando Machinery Corporation
“Mando Machinery Corporation is the undisputed leader in Korea automotive pants industry.” Press Release from Korean firm
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Invented
“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
Repair
“We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door – the bell doesn’t work.)” Sign on door of repair shop
Safety First
“SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt – prepare for accident.” Sign on backseat of Taxi
Wonderful bargains
“Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.” Sign in Men’s clothing store
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