Humor Quotes

Time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking

Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished

We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work – and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty five I still had pimples.

Ideas don’t stay in some minds very long because they don’t like solitary confinement

He’s so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.