Humor Quotes

The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly. 

Cleaning house with kids around is like brushing your teeth with Oreos.

The Lord gave us two ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

I think therefore I am … confused.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me.

Teamwork is essential – it allows you to blame someone else.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.