Book seller, Who is that?

Book seller

A book agent came to sell one of the combination farmer-merchant-bankers of southeast Arkansas a set of books on scientific agriculture. The old man thumbed through them: “No, I don’t want to buy them.” “You ought to buy them, sir. If you had these books you could farm twice as good as you do now.” “Heck, son,” he replied, “I don’t farm half as good as I know how now.”

Who is that?

Van der Merwe was bragging to his boss one day,’ You know, I know everyone there is to know.. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.’

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ‘OK, Van how about Tom Cruise?’

‘Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.’ So Van and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, ‘Van! Great to see you!’

You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!’ Although impressed, Van’s boss is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Van der Merwe that he thinks  knowing Cruise was just lucky. ‘No, no, just name anyone else,’ Van says. ‘Nelson Mandela,’ his boss quickly retorts.

‘Yes,’ Van says, ‘I know him, let’s fly out to Cape Town.’ And off they go. At Mr Mandela’s house, he is spotted quickly and invited, Van, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.’

Well, the boss is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the grounds, he expresses his doubts to Van who again implores him to name anyone else.

‘The Pope,’ his boss replies. ‘Sure!’ says Van. ‘My Grandfather are from Poland, and I’ve known the Pope a long time.’

So off they fly to Rome… Van der Merwe and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Van says ,’This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.’ And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Van emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Van returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss’ side, Van der Merwe asks him, ‘What happened?’
His boss looks up and says, ‘I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, who’s that on the balcony with Van?