When a grandmother was in her late eighties, she decided to move to Israel. As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and get all her charts. The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she gave him the litany of complaints – this hurts, that’s stiff, I’m tired and slower, etc.
He responded with, “Mrs. Siegel, you have to expect things to start deteriorating. After all, who wants to live to 100?”
The grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied, “Anyone who’s 99.”
Charm School 101
At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a “Charm Course” was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. She said, “Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you.”
Then, returning to reality, she added, “But, if man is in the restaurant ordering his steak, don’t wait any longer.”
A friend was thinking about buying a new house in the country and asked me to come out and look at it. We found the town, but we couldn’t locate the road. We drove over to city hall, where a community get-together was going on, and asked around, but no one had heard of the road. Even the policemen and fire personnel were stumped.
We went in to city hall and consulted a map, with no luck, until finally one young man came to our aid. He pointed to the map, showing us exactly how to get there. I thanked the young man and asked if he was with the police or fire department.
“Neither,” he replied. “I deliver pizzas.”