Actual Medical Records
The following are actual medical records taken from patients’ charts around North America:
– The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
– She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
– The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
– I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
– The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
– She is numb from her toes down.
– While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
– The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
– The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
– Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
– Patient was alert and unresponsive.
– When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Coworker Support
One day at the veterinarian’s office where I take my dog, a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring. After a few tense moments, a technician came to her co-worker’s defense.
“Sir,” she interjected, “are you aware of what happens to aggressive males in this office?”
Pregnant turkey
Last year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional holiday feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store and asked if my sister wouldn’t mind going out to get it.
When my sister left the house, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the mixed stuffing, and inserted a Cornish hen into the turkey cavity…then re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back into the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Barbara, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!”
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry hysterically. It took the entire family almost two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs.
