A Psych Funny
John went to a psychiatrist: “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?” John asked warily.
“Each visit is $150,” replied the doctor.
“Well, I’ll sleep on it.”
Six months later the doctor bumped into John on the street: “Why didn’t you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?”
“Well, one hundred and fifty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A friend at work cured me for nothing. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new pickup!”
“Is that so?! And how, may I ask, did your friend cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”
Remarriage
A husband asks his wife, “If I should die first, would you marry again”?
“I would be heart-broken, of course,” was her reply. “But, I think eventually, I would remarry.”
“But you wouldn’t bring him here to our house”?
“Why not? I’ve worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it.”
“But you wouldn’t sleep in our bed”?
“Well, I wouldn’t run out and buy a new bed right away.”
“Surely, you wouldn’t let him use my golf clubs”?
“Of course not! He’s lefthanded!”
The Visit
An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, Massimo, who is coming to visit with his wife, Maria.
“You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301. There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301. I will buzza you in.
Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with you elbow, pusha 3. When you get out, I’mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell.”
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow”?
“What? You comma empty handed”?
