“Wild Game”
I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game.
I guess they eat so much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, “Boy, it sure would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods.”
“Job Application”
My 17-year-old niece asked me if she could use my name as a reference on her resume’, which she planned to submit to a local fast-food restaurant. I agreed.
A few days later she called and asked me to meet her at the restaurant later that afternoon. When I asked her why, she replied, “The manager wants me to come in for an interview, and she told me to bring my references.”
Mouse repellent
A couple moved to the country when they retired. One mild winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the garage. So they bought one of those little sub-sonic mouse repellants, the kind you plug in and they emit some kind of sound that drives off mice. The husband was showing it to their neighbor and explaining that it was an animal
repellant. He told her that it worked on every thing from mice to elephants.
“Really!?” she said, “Mice to elephants, eh.” sounding a bit skeptical.
“Yes,” he replied, seriously. “We’ve had it here for a couple of weeks now and we haven’t had a single elephant in the garage the whole time!”
Spell checker
Everyone knows I’m a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to “decifer” them, I had to set him straight.
I wrote, “Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you’ve forgotten, spell checker comes free with your software.”
A minute later, I got this reply, “Mine must be dephective.”
