Who’s the Boss
Bill, the boss, was concerned that his employees weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried and old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door.
After lunch, he noticed Willie had taped another note under his: “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”
Leaving the parsonage
A pastor places his order at the pet store: “I need at least 50 mice, 2,000 ants and as many of those little silverfish you can get.”
The clerk replies, “We can probably do that, but it might take some time. Mind if I ask why you are placing such an unusual order?”
The pastor replies, “I’ve accepted a call to another church and the pastor’s council told me to leave the parsonage the way I found it.”
Freshmen
While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.
“What are they doing?” she asked the tour guide.
“Each year,” he replied with a grin, “the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard.”
When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the curious lady asked the guide: “So, what’s the answer?”
The guide replied: “One.”
Commentary
As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
“Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth
50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.”
The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: “Wow, look! It just missed the highway!”
New Car
“A team of British engineers have developed a car that runs on human waste. I’ll bet that new car smell doesn’t last very long.” -Jay Leno
Fertilizing marijuana plants
“A farmer in Idaho unknowingly watered and fertilized more than 300 marijuana plants. He should have realized something was up when his alarm went off and his rooster was like, ‘Bro, I’m trying to sleep over here!'” -Jimmy Fallon
