A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,” she replied.
“Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horse I bet on,” He explained “Oh honey, I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have known there was a good explanation.”
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, “Why did you hit me this time?”
She replied…….”Your horse called.”
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!” “Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.”
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he was curious and asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.”
“Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an ax and two 38s!”
Everybody’s a Comedian
I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice.
“I know the sheetrock is nailed to the studs,” I said to the guy who answered the phone, “but how do I find the studs?”
“Put an ad in the personals column,” he suggested.