Wedding pass
A friend of mine joined the Navy and soon after had to attend a wedding. He asked an officer for a pass and was told he had to be back by 7 p.m. Sunday.
“You don’t understand, sir,” my friend said. “I’m in the wedding.”
“No, YOU don’t understand,” the officer replied. “You’re in the Navy.”
Polite With No Manners
The two snooty women were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was slightly delayed in another room.
The daughter of the family was with the two women, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the wait.
The child was about six years old. She was snub nosed, spotted with splotchy freckles, buck toothed, and bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two ladies peered doubtfully at her.
Finally, one of the women muttered to the other, “She’s not very p – r – e – t – t – y, is she?”
Whereupon the child piped up, “Maybe not, but I’m very s – m – a – r – t and I can s – p – e – l – l.”
School
The priest was instructing a class of third-graders at All Saints grammar school.
“There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell.
“But the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, knowledgeable lawyer.
“Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who started out in the same place, who together embarked upon life’s stormy seas?”
Herman raised his hand and said, “Easy. One of them got caught.”
Nun Shopping
The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro, the pride of its breed. Sister Lourdes, the only qualified driver, became the chauffer for all and sundry. Every Saturday she would drive Reverend Mother into town for the shopping.
All went well until Bank Holiday weekend when the town was so packed with people and cars that is became evident that there was no earthly place to park.
“Don’t worry, Reverend Mother,” said Sister Lourdes. “You go into the supermarket and I’ll drive around the block until you come out.”
Off sped the car, and the Reverend Mother bustled around the store shopping quickly, then rushing back to the curbside.
There she stood for five minutes, ten, twenty. No sign of Sister Lourdes. Where could she be?
Eventually the Reverend Mother approached a patrolling policeman.
“Excuse me, Officer,” said she, Have you seen a nun in a red mini?”
“No,” replied the officer, “but these days nothing would surprise me!”
