At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, “As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.”

The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride’s hand on his son-in-law’s arm and said, “No deposit, no return.”

New Pastor

My appointment as pastor coincided with the church’s appeal for aid for victims of a hurricane.

Unfortunately, on my first Sunday in the parish, the center page of the church bulletin was accidentally omitted.

So members of the congregation read from the bottom of the second page to the top of the last page: “Welcome to the Rev. Andrew Jensen and his family…the worst disaster to hit the area in this century. The full extent of the tragedy is not yet known.”


The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him into the doctor’s waiting room. A woman in the office viewed the scene in sympathy. “Arthritis with complications?” she asked.

The wife shook her head, “No …. Do-it-yourself,” she explained, “with concrete blocks.”

Ugly but Good

A woman was waiting for a diagnosis of her husband’s illness. The doctor came to her with a dour expression and said, “I don’t like the look of him.”

The man’s wife said, “I don’t either, but he’s good to the children.”

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