Positive Test / “Doctor News” / “Dining Problem”




I’m a middle school band teacher, and I
match students to instruments by testing them on various mouthpieces. While
most children demonstrate aptitude on more than a single instrument, there was
one boy who was having difficulty on every one he tried, and he was becoming

Finally, he found success on a tuba
mouthpiece. He was so happy that he asked to call his mother.

“Mom, guess what!” I overheard him
exclaim. “I tested positive for tuba!”

“Doctor News”

The doctor took his patient into his
office and said, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

The patient said, “Give me
the good news.”

The doctor said, “They’re going to name a
disease after you.”

“Dining Problem”

Everyone had weighed in, and our
diet-workshop leader began her lecture on the week’s topic – the problems of
dining out. She talked about alternatives, such as requesting diet sodas and
dressings, and having meat broiled instead of fried. Finally she turned the
question over to the group for discussion. “What is the greatest problem
you encounter when going out to eat?”

Replied one woman quickly,
“Running into you!”


I was at a yard sale one day and saw a
box marked “Electronic cat and dog caller– guaranteed to work.”

I looked inside and was
amused to see an electric can opener.

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