My dad is better than yours
Three young boys were walking on the sidewalk arguing over whose daddy was the greatest. One said, “My dad is the greatest because he is the president of the town bank.” The second boy said, “That is pretty good, but my daddy owns two grocery stores in town!” The third boy said, “That’s nothing, my dad is a preacher, and he owns hell. He came home last night and told my mom that the Church Board gave it to him!”
Angry Panda
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, I’m a PANDA! Look it up in the dictionary!” The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: “A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
Insurance claim
An insurance agent’s wife was learning to drive when the brakes gave out. “What should I do?” she cried. “Brace yourself, and try to hit something cheap.”
