HumorThe Burglars

Two burglars had just broken into a bank.As they were walking through the lobby, one noticed a map display with a star and the words “You Are Here.”

He turned to the other and said, “We better give up, Bubba. They know where we are!”

The Phone’s For You

Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at LaSalle and they were having a pretty good season. One morning, he was shaving and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to him that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him.


Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about to receive national recognition in this famous sports magazine. As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut himself with his razor.

Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally, bleeding and bruised, he made it to the phone and breathlessly said, “Hello”?

The voice on the other end asked, “Is this Speedy Morris”?

“Yes, yes!” he replied excitedly.

Then the voice continued, “Mr. Morris, for just seventy-five cents an issue, we can give you a one-year subscription to Sports Illustrated.”

Asking the Police

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six-years-old.


While looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, “Are you a cop”?

“Yes,” I answered and continued writing the report.

“My mother said if I ever needed help, I should ask the police. Is that right”?

“Yes, that’s right,” I told her.

“Well, then,” she said as she extended her foot toward me, “would you please tie my shoe”?

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