The following notes from parents excusing their children from attending school have been around a while but if you haven’t seen them, I’m sure you will get a kick out of them:
“Please excuse Freddie from being away yesterday because he had the fuel.”
“Please accuse Michael from being absent on January 30 because he was aleing.”
“George was absent yesterday because of a sore trout.”
“Please excuse Betsey from being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.”
“Joseph has been absent becuz he had two teeth taken off his face.”
“My son is under doctor’s care and should not take fisical education. Please execute him.”
“Please excuse Ralph from school on Friday. He had very loose vowels.”
Just Pull the Plug
Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
So she got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my soda.
No one is more cautious than a first time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet.
The day of the first ride, I put her in the seat, double checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin.