Art valuation
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.”
“When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed.
“What’s the bad news?”
“The guy was your doctor.”
Too much information
Marketing VP: Why haven’t you kept me up-to-date on this account?
Ops Guy: I’ve cc’d you on every e-mail I sent to them!
Marketing VP: I don’t have time to read my e-mails. There’s too much information in them. If you send me an important e-mail, give me a call to let me know I need to check it.
Dad shopping
In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son.
As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child,
“You know, if we really mess this up, we’ll never have to do it again.”
Novice Immerser
The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize… you guessed it… his three cats in the bathtub.
The youngest kitten bore it very well, and so did the younger cat, but the old family tom cat rebelled.
The old feline struggled with the boy, clawed and tore his skin, and finally got away. With considerable effort the boy caught the old tom again and proceeded with the “ceremony.”
But the cat acted worse than ever, clawing and spitting, and scratching the boy’s face.
Finally, after barely getting the cat splattered with water, he dropped him on the floor in disgust and said:
“Fine, be a Methodist if you want to!
