A woman asked the dog groomer, “How much to give Fifi a haircut?”
“Fifty dollars?! I only pay thirty bucks for my own haircuts.”
“That may be true. But then you don’t bite, do you?”
Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question.
“Will you marry me, darling?” he asked.
Lisa smiled coyly and said, “Yes, if you’ll buy me a mink.”
Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, “Okay, it’s a deal, but on one condition.”
“What’s that?” Lisa asked.
“You’ll have to clean the cage,” Kurt replied.
A new employee calls the help desk to complain that there’s something wrong with her password.
“The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars,” she says.
“Those asterisks are there to protect you,” the help desk technician explains. “So, if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn’t be able to read your password.”
“Yeah,” she says, “but they show up even when there isn’t anyone standing behind me.”
* * * *
I’m so old they’ve cancelled my blood type.