“If” / What did he say? / Stop Yelling!



In ancient Sparta, citizens were noted for economy of

Legend has it that Philip of Macedonia,
storming the gates of Sparta,
sent a message to the besieged king…”If we capture your city we will
burn it to the ground.”

A one-word answer came back:


What did he say?

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward
was  offered for his capture.

An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite
cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head
and said, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll
blow your brains out.”

But the bandit didn’t speak English and the Ranger didn’t speak
Spanish! Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the
Ranger’s message.

The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was
buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

“What did he say?” asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, “He said, ‘Get
lost, you turkey. You wouldn’t dare shoot me.'”

Stop Yelling!

As a young married couple, a husband and a wife
lived in a cheap housing complex near the military base where he was working.

Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper
thin and they had no privacy. That was painfully obvious one morning when the
husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was
interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.

“Give this to your husband,” he said,
thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. “He’s been yelling for it
for 15 minutes!”

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