Image“Crash Report”
As he reviewed pilot crash reports, my Air Force military science professor stumbled upon this understated entry: “After catastrophic engine failure, I landed long. As I had no power, the landing gear failed to deploy and no braking was available.

I bounced over the stone wall at the end of the runway, struck the trailer of a truck while crossing the perimeter road, crashed through the guardrail, grazed off a large pine tree, ran over a tractor parked in the adjacent field and hit another tree.

Then I lost control of the plane.”
“Wireless Security”
How to install a wireless security system:
Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men’s used work boots … a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it … a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like this:
“Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition – back in 30 minutes. Don’t disturb the pit bulls, they’ve just been wormed.”
“PC Assets”
My husband refused to learn how to operate a PC. I tried to get him to realize how important it is, since all our financial records are stored on disks.
“What if something happens to me?” I asked him. “You wouldn’t know what our assets are.”
“Honey,” he replied, “if something happened to you, I wouldn’t need any money.”
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