Self-Righteousness
Jones jumped up from the card table white with rage.
“Stop this game,” he shouted, “Smith is cheating!”
“How do you know?”
“He’s not playing the hand I dealt him.”
For those special circumstances:
You, [recipient name], are hereby notified that under the forgiveness recommendations set forth in the Holy Scriptures – namely that we are to forgive one another 7×70 (equivalent to 490 times) – you are now at 478 and have only 12 free passes remaining.
Signed,
[Your name]
Surety
Mr. Smith was brought to a Catholic hospital and quickly taken in for emergency heart surgery.
The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a sweet nun, who was waiting by his bed.
“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”
“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.
“Then can you pay in cash?” the nun asked.
“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”
“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun questioned.
“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble spinster nun.”
“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters. They are married to God!”
“Really?” said Mr. Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law!”
