New Year’s Eve
The New Year’s Eve party had turned into a regular marathon with numerous guests coming and going.
At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily, although no one knew who he was, and was led to the bar in the basement.
He sat there happily for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. “You know,” he confided to his host, “I wasn’t even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests’ cars are blocking my driveway.”
The guest continued, “My wife’s been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved!”
Too Narrow
Pauly got a job as a casket salesman in the local funeral home. He’s talking to an older guy who came in to plan his funeral for “one of these days.”
“Now, sir,” says Pauly, “I think you’ll want this model. It’s a beautiful piece of equipment and a steal at R40,000.”
“No,” said the old guy. “That’s really too much for a casket. How much is this one right here?”
“Oh,” said Pauly, “it’s the bottom of the line and is just R 4,000.”
“I think I’d like that one,” said the old guy.
“Wait just a minute, sir. This casket is very narrow. You just lie down in here and try to spread your elbows!”
Airplane Safety
“Welcome aboard XXX Airlines Flight YYY to ZZZ. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.
“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face.
“If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide which one you love more.”
