Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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Never try to outwit a woman unless you are one.
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An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Reading
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.
Humor Quote
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there’s a decimal point involved.