Counseling
A husband and wife went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade, listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on – neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.
The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?”
The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days, I play golf…”
Kids Science Quotes
- H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
- Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
- Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
- Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
- Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
- The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.
- Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
- Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.
- The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.
- The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
- A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
- The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
- A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
- Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
- Liter: A nest of young puppies.
- Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
- Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
- Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
- Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
- Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.
- Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
- To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
- For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
- For dog bite put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
- For head cold use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
- To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
