Talking Clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a university student led the way into the den.
“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.
“Oh, that’s the talking clock,” the student replied.
“How’s it work?” the friend asked.
“Watch,” said the student, then proceeded to give the gong an ear-shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall: “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It’s two-thirty in the morning!”
Custom car
A snail goes to a Cadillac dealership and buys a new car. But when he buys it he has specific instructions for the dealer: “I want you to give it a paint job,” says the snail.
“Sure, what color?” asks the dealer.
“I want you to paint a big red S on the hood, the doors, the roof and the trunk,” instructs the snail.
“Sure thing,” says the dealer, “but can I ask why?”
The snail looks at him and explains: “So when I go driving up and down the strip all the people watching me say “Look at that S Car Go.”
Childbirth Classes
First-time expectant mom: “My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?”
Experienced mom: “Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.”
