“If houseplants ever take over the world, I’m probably going to
 be sitting in shackles at their version of the Nuremberg trials.”





A lady
answered her front door to find a plumber standing there. “I’m here to fix
the leaky pipe,” he announced.

didn’t call a plumber,” said the lady.

huffed the plumber. “Aren’t you Mrs. Snyder?”

Snyders moved out of this house over a year ago,” explained the lady.

do you like that?” grunted the plumber. “They call you up and tell
you it’s an emergency and then they move away!”

Your References

17-year-old niece asked me if she could use my name as a reference on her
resume, which she planned to submit to a local fast food restaurant. I agreed.

A few days later, she called and
asked me to meet her at the restaurant later that afternoon. When I asked her
why, she replied, “The manager wants me to come in for an interview and
she told me to bring my references.”

the Animals

said the little girl, “is it alright to say you are going to water the
horse when you’re giving him a drink of water?”

said her mother. “That is the correct thing to say.”

then I’m going to milk the cat.”

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