Doctor’s Advice
A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
At his follow up visit the doctor talked to the man and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
The man replied, “Just doing what you said Doctor, ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful’.”
The Doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful.”
Would You Remarry?
A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”
“After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”
“If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”
“We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would.”
“If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house,” the wife asks, “would she sleep in our bed?”
“Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It’s going to last a long time, so I guess she would.”
“If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?”…
“Oh, no,” the husband replies. “She’s left-handed.”
Penguin Zoo
Did you hear about the man that had a pet penguin?
Soon after he got his penguin, he was driving in town one day with the penguin sitting on the front seat next to him.
A policeman noticed the penguin in the car and motioned for the man to pull over.
The officer says, “What are you doing with that penguin?”
The man replies, “We are just going for an afternoon drive.”
The officer says, “I want you to take that penguin to the zoo right away, or you will be in big trouble.”
The man replies, “No problem, I can do that,” and the policeman let them go on their way.
Two days later, the man and his penguin are going for a drive again with the penguin sitting in the front seat.
This time the penguin has on dark sunglasses. When they pass through town, the same policeman spots the penguin in the car. He furiuosly motions for the man to pull over.
As soon as the car stops, he marches right up to the man and demands, “You are the same guy I saw two days ago with a penguin. What are you trying to do now? Don’t you think that I can still recognize a penguin even if it has sunglasses on? I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo right away?”
The man replied, “Yes sir you did. I took him to the zoo yesterday. We had so much fun at the zoo that today I thought we would go to the beach today!”
