Yes, Always Officer
A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road.
She didn’t have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.
After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, “I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?”
“Yes, I do, officer,” she replied.
“Well,” asked the officer, “do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?”
Talking Dog
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout.
“This dog can speak English,” he claims to the unimpressed agent.
“Okay, Sport,” the guys says to the dog, “what’s on the top of a house?”
“Roof!” the dog replies.
“Oh, come on…” the talent agent responds. “All dogs go ‘roof.'”
“No, wait,” the guy says. He asks the dog, “What does sandpaper feel like?”
“Rough!” the dog answers.
The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience.
“No, hang on,” the guy says. “This one will amaze you.”
He turns and asks the dog: “Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?”
“Ruth!” goes the dog.
And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.
The dog and man sit on the curb dejected. The dog turns to his owner and says “Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?”
Sitting alone
Little Johnny was in kindergarten. There was a another boy in his class who wasn’t listening to the teacher.
The teacher said to the boy, “Since you don’t want to listen, you sit at that table by yourself.”
After a few minutes, Johnny raised his hand and said, “I don’t want to listen either. Can I sit with him?”
Communion
Little Johnny was in church when the wine and bread were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion.
When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johhny held his coin firmly in his hand, stating…
“If I can’t eat, I won’t pay!”
